Drowning Lessons

Prolouge


"(Is Suicide a Choice?) No. Choice implies that a suicidal person can reasonably look at alternatives and select among them. If they could rationally choose, it would not be suicide. Suicide happens when all other alternatives are exhausted -- when no other choices are seen."

-Adina Wrobleski






Who am I?



Why am I here?


I feel like there is no purpose in life. I'm not important at all. No one loves me and if they did, I'd label them 'crazy' or just 'insane'.
Because really, who would love me? Who would love my long, curly dyed black hair or my brilliant green eyes? Wait-did I just say brilliant?
That's not the word I was looking for. I'm a poor excuse for a 14-year-old girl. I'm ugly-I'd just inherited the worse side of my family gene I guess.
I'm just drowning in depression and despair. It all happened so fast. It seemed like yesterday when I was so happy; so proud of who I was. Now I'm just ashamed.



Why would I want to live anymore now that she's gone? She was like the sister I never had! We were so close and now that she's gone I feel as if a part of me is missing, never to return again. It's appalling and although I'm so caught up in deep depression I know how worried my parents are. I can just see it in their eyes. Whenever I'm around them they just stare at me with a saddened look to their faces. I've nicked at their hearts for so long, I know. But it's not like I did this intentionally. I didn't map this whole scheme out. Let's see...Monday: Drill nails into their hearts, Tuesday: Dig out their souls and rip it in half. No, I didn't do that! I'm sick; weak.




Humans are fragile beings, I'll tell you. One stab at your heart; one gunshot to the head and you're gone. You're dead. And it can be so easy. It's so effortless to hold that gun up to your head and pull the trigger. To grab that knife underneath your bed, point it to your heart and you're set; Just swing. It's not complicated and yet, I havn't done it yet. I don't want to think of myself as suicidal. But I can't push away those thoughts out of my mind. I feel so numb; not even living my life, letting time pass me by. And the sad part is...I don't care. I could care less about life. It's all just a big game anyway. I used to be digusted with the kind of people who take life for granted and I convienced myself that I'll never do the same thing but I am. I'm doing the same exact thing and I feel embarrased!




But it's not like I have a choice. It's not like I thought, Hey, I think I wanna be depressed today! I think I wanna be suicidal! I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way. I can't think straight. I wonder everyday, Why didn't I die too? Why did she, my cousin, have to die? We were in the same situation,the same setting, and yet I came out alive with only a couple of broken bones! Why did it have to happen in the first place! I just feel so angry with myself like I could've done something! But now I just don't know who I am anymore! Am I the real Brianna Tillie Armstrong or am I just watching someone else's life on the TV screen every fucking day?


Am I just a repetition of someone else's life...or am I just a figment of my imagination?

LOVE IT. I love the little quote thing in the beginning, its a good opener.

hehehehehehehehehehe

thanks Sarah!!!

all hail piggies!!!!

lol

Yeah, what Sarah said. This is a awesome opening for a story. It kind of sets the stage for what may come next.

thanks Faye

1:Metal, Thunder, and Rain


6 months ago

"Be back by 10 alright?" My father, Billie Joe, said looking up from the TV screen to look at me.

I gave him a smile. "I will, don't worry okay?"

He answered with a nod as he looked back at the TV just in time to see a skater crash head-first to the ground. He winced as the host of Scarred re-appeared on the screen.

Noticing that I was still there, he looked up at me, a confusing look formed on his face. "What?"

I gave him an 'I can't believe you would forget' look. "Don't I get a hug?"

He let out a laugh and pulled me close into a hug. "I love you." He said with a smile.

"I love you too daddy." I said back as I gave him a small kiss on his forehead. "I'll be back soon."

I then quickly walked over into the hallway and grabbed my shoes to put them on, leaning against the wall for balance. I sighed out of habit as I took my black hair tie off my wrist to pull my long black, curly hair up away from my face.

I then looked around for a moment trying to find what I needed but gave up and asked in a frustrated tone, "Has anyone seen my My Chemical Romance hoodie?"

"The last time I saw it, it was in your closet, Brianna." My mother said as she cleaned the dishes in the kitchen.

I let out another sigh, louder and more dramatic than the last. "You mean I have to go all the way upstairs and into my room to get it?!?!"

My mom and I smiled at each other at the joke.

"Yes Brianna, we all know just how 'special' you can be."

Now that was NOT a joke!

My jaw dropped as I turned to my father. "How dare you! You know what?"

He laughed. "What?"

I thought for a moment. "Your....face! Ha!" I cried as I dramatically flew up the stairs into my room.

And yeah, this family is very dramatic! Well...maybe just me. Oh well, who really cares anyway?

So when I finally got ready my cousin, Lacey, was honking the horn outside as if saying I was a slow poke or something! She really has no idea!

I ran full speed down the hallway, dodging dangerous laser beams, and jumped on the railing and slid down it and ran out the door! They wern't gonna get me this time for I, Brianna Armstrong, have defeated the wrath of the evil ninjas! Muhuhahaha!

Well....not really. The ninjas; my brothers Jakob and Joey. Dangerous laser beams; toy guns.
Just wanted to feel the a superhero!
....Yeah....I already know I'm insane! No need to remind me!
...Whoa...my ass is burning from that stupid rail....oww...

"What took you so long???" Lacey asked right when I got in her car and out of the storm that was outside. How did I know this was gonna happen? "And don't blame the "ninjas" again!"

We both looked at each other and laughed.

Lacey smiled and turned up the radio as she sped down the highway; Dead! was on.

We both started singing but I stopped when I noticed an important issue.

"Lacey, why don't you put your seatbelt on?" I asked. She knows how I am with my safety worries!

She sighed. "Relax Brianna! The mall is not that far away!"

I stared at her for a moment then sighed. "Well...oh...okay..."

"Come on Brianna, lighten up! This is supposed to be a celebration with you entering highschool and what-not."

I laughed. "Oh wow!!! I'm just BURSTING with excitment!!! Wee!"

She laughed at my sarcastic ways. "You know, you are so much like your--"

"--Father, I know Lacey. People say that ALL THE TIME!" I said smiling, finishing her sentence.

"Heh!" Lacey cried out. And I'm guessing that was supposed to be a laugh...?

"HEH HEH!" I cried back.

We laughed once more and began to sing again.


Yeah!!!!!!!!!
And if your heart stops beating
I'll be here wondering.
Did you get what you deserved?
The ending of your life.
And if you get to heaven
I'll be here waiting, babe
Did you get what you deserve?
The end, and if your life won't wait
Then your heart can't take this

Have you heard the news that you're dead?
No one ever had much nice to say
I think they never liked you anyway
Oh take me from the hospital bed
Wouldn't it be grand? It ain't exactly what you planned.
And wouldn't it be great If we were dead?

Then all the sudden....BAM!!!!!!

It all happened so fast. I saw the car coming towards us on the left side, apparently running a red light, and I braced myself knowing what was gonna happen.

It was just so silent in those last couple seconds besides the occasional roar of the thunder and the constant clanking of the rain.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to watch this akward skit. So akward just because of how slow you react to things like this.

You just sit there like nothing's happening at all until it was finally over. Lacey's hands, still gripped the wheel looking straight ahead of her, her right foot on the gas pedal. The car was trying to get away from the accident. Trying so hard to force itself out of it's opponent's grasp.

But it was too late.

I wanted so badly for this to be a dream; just a horrible dream that I would wake up to in a matter of seconds. I counted to five and pinched my wrist, hoping it would wake me up, but it never did.

Then I heard it. The sound of the glass braking, the crunching of metal to metal. My eyes were still closed. I didn't want to watch. The car had hit us, there was no doubt about that.

The pain shooting up and down my body was nothing I'd experienced before. Though the sound of the metal, the thunder, and the rain clanking to the ground was so loud, I could hear it; my ribs braking into millions of pieces. It felt like I was about to shatter along with the windows, like I was being ripped in half.

I finally realized, with the dizzy sensation in my head, that Lacey's car was rolling down what felt like a hill. My mind wanted me to open my eyes but I disobayed it's comands. It asked me again and once more I said no as blood started flowing down my face.

This was a reality flash for me; the blood. I wanted to scream but something wouldn't let me. It was as if I had something shoved down my throat.

My mind began playing my life backwords like the rewinding of a video tape. This was it...my life was about to end. I knew it.

The car rolled and rolled and rolled, but still I didn't want to open my eyes. Even though my mind told me to I could hear a voice crying the opposite.

It was a man...a man's voice. But in all the confusion I was in I called out Lacey's name, thinking it was her calling my name, but I recieved no answer.

"LACEY?!?!" I cried again, not even realizing that I had opened my eyes. There was no way to tell which part of the car was up and which was down. Up became down and down became up.

I looked ahead of me alarmed to find that the car was heading straight for a brick wall.

"BRIANNA, CLOSE YOUR EYES!!"

It was that man again.

I didn't have time to question the voice so I waited for the last second to savor the freedom of vision and quickly closed my eyes once more. Although my eyes were shut tight I could see a bright light before...

BAM!!!!!

It was the last thing I heard along with the thunder... the metal... and the rain.

My favorite chapter so far. That was amazing.

thanks Faye!

2: Just Sleep

A voice. A voice was calling my name. It sounded familiar but I couldn't make out who it was. It wasn't that same voice I heard earlier, I knew that.

I was swimming in darkness; engulfed in a dreamless sleep. I could think like I was awake, but my eyes still wanted to be asleep, they didn't want to open.

I was confused and I didn't know where I was or what had happened. I heard the voice again but still I didn't know who it was or what they were saying. I knew they were calling my name, but I couldn't make out the rest......

"BRIANNA, WAKE UP!"

My eyes shot open against its will. It was dark, only the police cars, ambulance trucks, and headlights providing the light. There had to be at least 20 of them; the police cars. I examined the cops around me. Some where blocking and directing traffic above me along the highway, some where talking to witnesses, and others placed yellow caution tape around the scene. I was so in awe of the whole situation I failed to notice the rain falling on top of me or a hand holding onto mine at first. I turned to my left to see who it was.

"Oh thank God!" The person cried tightening their grip, noticing I was awake. This made me cry out in pain as the caustic sensation traveled up my arm. I knew who it was now; it was my father. He winced. "Sorry, baby girl."

He turned to tell the police I was awake as I called out for him.

"D-daddy?!?!" I cried, still confused.

He looked back at me. His face was wet and I wasn't sure if it was tears or just the rain falling down on his face.

"What--what is it?" He managed to ask me. He could barely speak; he was getting choked up like he was about to burst into tears at any moment. Now I knew it wasn't the rain falling on his face; he had been crying.

I had so many questions. I tried to remain calm and ask one question at a time, so I tried my best.

"Wha-what happened daddy? Why am I here? I wanna go home! Let's just go home okay?" I tried to get up but something didn't let me. I feel back down with a thud making my insides burn.

He shook his head. "No Brianna, I'm sorry but you can't go home yet. We have to...get you out of here first."

I stared at him, giving him a confused look. "Get me out.....of what?"

He looked at me with tears in his eyes. "You mean, you don't remember? You were in a car--accident. You're stuck in the car..."

Wha--

I looked behind me. The car was totaled which wasn't a big surprise to me. The lower half of my body was inside the car while the upper half hung out the broken window. The car appeared to be upside down, and I was crushed inside.

"OH MY GOD! DADDY, HELP ME!! OH MY GOD! GET ME OUT!!!" I shouted freaking out as I tried pulling myself out but failed miserably.

"Brianna, just stay calm, we're gonna get you out. Just don't try and get out yourself, you'll make it worse." A firefighter told me as he grabbed the jaws of life. "Don't move, okay?"

I nodded, holding back unwanted tears. I looked back and my dad.

"Where's mom?" I asked. "Where's---where's Lacey!?!" I added, remembering who I was with.

"Your mother is talking to one of the police officers and--Lacey was taken to the hospital--"

"---And?" I asked him. The way he told me, it sounded like he was about to say something else but didn't.

"Just--just don't worry Brianna, alright?"

I sighed and held my tongue although I wanted to know what he was gonna say.

"Brianna, just a warning. This is going to hurt a little, alright?" The firefighter exclaimed.

"Wha--huh?" I asked, suddenly feeling a little drowsy.

"Um...I'm just...giving you a warning. It's gonna hurt a little."

What is going on? I can barely understand what he's saying. I nodded anyway, hoping it was the right reaction to whatever he was saying.

Suddenly a drilling sound filled my ears, but it was so faint, like it was 2000 miles away, that it didn't seem to bug me at all. But the pain was more than I could handle. But I didn't cry; I couldn't. I tried to cry, I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. My eyes were disobaying my mind a lot recently.

I just stared ahead of me blankly despite the pain. The only thing I thought about was Lacey. I didn't want to think the worst but I couldn't help but sense a spark of doubt.

Was she really going to be alright? What happened to her anyway? I...don't really recall her being in the car as it rolled off the highway and into a ditch. I remember now that I called out her name. She didn't answer me. Maybe she fell unconsious? Or maybe she was too shocked to answer? What if it was worse? I couldn't bare to live with myself if she.......died.

The moment I thought about the 'dead' thing, I couldn't believe it. How could I even think that? Why can't I just think positive, just once! I sighed not knowing if I really did, or if I just told my mind I did so. It really didn't matter to me anyway. All that mattered at the moment was Lacey. Just the thought of her, made my heart pound hard against my chest. Which, of course, was a downfall for me because of all the damage my bones took from the accident. It hurt so badly but my heart just wouldn't stop pounding at such a fast rate. I knew I shouldn't be complaining. Lacey was probably in worse shape.

But yet again, as hard as I tried, I could not bring myself to cry. I was still petrified but this whole situation. I think it was still the 'denial phase' for me. Although, if I really was in denial, I wouldn't know I was, right? Oh, who knows. I really don't care about that. Not right now anyway. But I couldn't help but go back to health class, trying to remember what we talked about the 'coping with death' thing. The steps ran through my mind over and over again.

Commons reactions to loss. 1: Denial, Numbness, and Shock. Serves to protect the individual from experiencing the intensity of the loss (Possibly). Numbness is a normal reaction to an immediate loss and should not be confused with "lack of caring" (I guess so...?). Denial and disbelief will diminish as the individual slowly acknowledges the impact of this loss and accompanying feelings (Oh, how thrilling!).

2: Bargaining. At times, individuals may ruminate about what could have been done to prevent the loss (Better prepare myself). Individuals can become preoccupied about ways that things could have been better, imagining all the things that will never be (So..I'm gonna be insane? How lovely....). This reaction can provide insight into the impact of the loss; however, if not properly resolved, intense feelings of remorse or guilt may hinder the healing process (Okay, so now there's a healing process?).

Okay, so I was getting ahead of myself but I don't even have the right to be thinking these things! What is wrong with me? She'll be alright...hopefully. I was doubting once again...

"You're doing well, baby girl. You'll be alright." My father told me in almost a whisper. He was just as frightened and shocked as I was; maybe even more.

Not once did I blink, move, or say a thing as if I was in some deep trance. I was trying to make sense of what he was saying because I could barely hear him. I tried to concentrate. I almost lost the ability to respond and it took great energy just to turn my head to face him. It was almost as if I was an infant all over again. I couldn't think straight, nor could I speak. I even had to try and remember how to blink and I was afraid of forgeting how to breathe.

"Uh--huh?" I finally asked in confusion. I thought I was gonna pass out for a moment and it was hard to see him. I had to squint and I noticed the worried look spread across his face.

"Bri-Brianna, you alright?" He asked. His voice seemed so far away. It even echoed through my mind. It was as if I was in another world. I had this sudden urge to just want to sleep; I was so tired.

"Need--sleepy daddy. Need--rest."

He grew more worried at my lack of speech and much needed grammer skills. He looked at me with a frown, looking over my pale, drowsy face. He was about to say something else. I could kind of see his mouth move but so sound came through my ears. I could hear nothing but my heart and head pounding furiously. I thought my brain would explode at any given moment. I wanted to say something. I wanted to cry out 'daddy' once more for help but my face hit the ground before I could.

And when it did it, felt as if I was falling 1000 feet off the top of a cliff, and before I knew what was happening I was out like a light.

I loved it.
Chapter 1 was great, ironic with Dead! playing and then getting in a car crash.
Chapter 2 was great too.
I love the whole story, can't wait for your update

3: Childish Fears



FLASHBACK TO 1998

"Daddy, I'm scared!" Little four year old Brianna called out as she stood at doorway of her parents room, clutching onto her favorite blanket and teddy bear.

She waited for a moment, but when he didn't answer she trotted up to his side of the bed and shook the sleeping figure. Her mother, a very pregnant Adrienne, a little distracted by her sleep, moaned and rolled over onto her side, too tired to notice her daughter.

"Daddy," She whispered, shaking him gently. "Daddy, wake up!"

"Hmmm?" Billie Joe answered, not even opening his eyes. He was too damn tired to have to deal with this right now. He just got back from touring for Green Day's newest album, Nimrod and he didn't want to be bothered while trying to sleep.

"I'm scared!"

Those words made him open his eyes in worry. He sighed and sat up from his bed and began rubbing the sleeping dust out of his burning eyes.

Brianna walked up to him and tugged at his legs, looking up at him just waiting for him to respond.

He yawned. "What are you scared of, baby girl?" He picked her up and sat her on his lap. Almost instantly, she clung onto his chest, gripping his shirt with her small hands.

"Monsters daddy! There's monsters in my room!" She cried.

He gave her a little smile. "Well, first of all, be a little more quiet so you
don't wake up mommy or Joey, Kay?" She nodded. "And second of all...who are these monsters you're talking about?"

Billie wanted to know everything about these "monsters". It was very common for a young child to show these kind of fears. He knew he was the same way when he was her age.

"Well, they're big! This big!" She cried, stretching her arms out as far as she could.

Billie's eyes grew wide. "Really?"

She nodded. "Yes, and they're really scary daddy!"

Billie sighed once more. "Well, let's see if daddy can find them for you, alright? Come on."

He then picked her up and walked to her room with her in his arms. When he entered her room he sat her on her bed to begin the search.

"Now," He began. "Daddy's gonna make sure there isn't any monsters in here, kay?"

"Kay." Brianna answered.

"Hmmmm.....let's see..." Billie said as he walked around her room, his arm under his chin as if in deep thought. Brianna kept her eyes on him, watching him closely.

Billie opened her closet and peered inside. "No monsters in here." He replied shutting the door. He then looked under her bed. "No monsters here either."

He made sure he checked her whole room before sitting on the edge of her bed. Brianna crawled over next to him. He looked at her and smiled. "Well, I'm not seeing any monsters Brianna. I think they ran away."

But she frowned and shook her head. "No Daddy! They're here! They didn't leave!"

Billie Joe sighed. "Alright, here." He pulled back the covers of her blanket and gestered her to lay down. He then tucked her in. He then grabbed her teddy bear and her little blankie and she gladly took them. She then stared up at her father in worry.
"This is your force field Brianna." He said, pointing to her blanket.

She immediatly smiled. "Really!?!" She cried excidedly. "How? What is a force field?"

He laughed. "A force field is an invisable sheild so that no bad guys or monters can get in. Only you can."

Brianna gasped. "How does it work?!?"

"Well...all you have to do is snuggle right inside your blanket and the monsters can't get you."

"Really?!?!"

Billie laughed once more. "Really."

Brianna smiled. "Does mommy and baby have a force field?"

"Yes, your mommy and the baby has a force field." He answered.

"Does Joey have a force field?" She asked.

"Yes, Joey has one too."

"Do you have a force field, daddy?"

Her father grinned. "Yes, daddy has one too."

"What about Josie?" Brianna asked, referring to their cat.

Billie Joe laughed. "Yes, Josie also has a force field."

Brianna smiled. "Oookay!"

Billie Joe smiled and gave Brianna a little kiss on top of her head. Brianna smiled back at him and wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a hug. Her father gave her one more kiss, this time on the lips, tucked her in and walked over to her door to turn the light off. He turned and was just about to close the door when.....

"Daddy?"

Billie sighed. "Yes, baby girl?"

"I love you."

END FLASHBACK

I hear whispers around me. I can't see them but I can hear them; voices. It sounded like three or four of them. Only one did I recognize because that voice was my father's voice. Billie Joe Armstrong's voice. I knew it was him but I couldn't make out what he was saying.

It sounded like the fluttering of a fly's wing. Fast as if it was trying to fly away from something. A human with a fly swatter, maybe? All I knew was, it was annoying. My father's voice? No. Just the way it sounded through my ears right at this moment. All fuzzy, like when your televison's signal gets lost and all you see is a white and black screen and the image is twisting and turning with all the white and black resembling an abstract drawing. It also resembled my mind. I was confused an I didn't know where I was. I was too scared to open my eyes but knowing that my father was there I felt more at ease.

But then I saw it. A bright light. If my eyes were open I would've gone blind. The lights began to flash and I wanted to open my eyes but my curiousity told me to keep them closed. Then there was what looked like an image of a man who was dressed in pure white, a car and.....

BAM!!!

I let out a scream and my body jolted forward from where I was laying, but the pain in my chest was too much and so I crashed back down. I winced and held my stomach. It felt like I was about to explode any second.


Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!


My heart was racing fast and it showed with the ringing of the monitor that was managing my heart. My father ran up beside me with a woman behind him and a man in white stood on the other side of the bed. My father placed his hand on my arm in comfort and his hand rubbing on top of my arm cause a tingling sensation travel up to my shoulder. "It's okay baby girl, It's alright." That's all my father said. I looked up at him with a nervous look across my face and I could tell he was afriad.

I know my dad more than he knows himself. He was hurt. I knew he was because of the look in his eyes. I knew that look. It was the look he'd have every September, the month that his father died. I couldn't bare to see that look in his eyes. It reminds me of a little kid who had just been rejected from his friends and had to sit alone on the swings. It reminds me of s puppy, dark beady eyes of sadness. What hurt me the most was that your father was supposed to be the strong one, the one that never cried, the one that was brave when others couldn't be. This was not who my father was.

We stared at eachother for a moment until he couldn't take it anymore and he broke down. He cried, hard. He did the same thing that all guys did when they broke down crying. He put his wrist up to his mouth and turned away as if he were slapped across the face. I looked down, tears started to form in my eyes and they ran down my cheeks one at a time.

He stood there for a couple of minutes. The familiar looking woman who was behind him tried to comfort him but he shook his head and steeped forward a couple of steps. The woman then sighed and walked over towards me. She gave me the smallest of all smiles. But she looked so familiar. Those dread locks, those brown eyes......

She walked even closer to me, closer than what I would've liked, and placed a hand on my forehead but I turned away feeling akward. She did look familiar but I wasn't sure who she was because if you saw someone you didn't recongise and they tried to touch you, you'd pull away too.

She looked hurt as she pulled her hand away. It made me feel bad about what I had done.

She sat back down in a chair that was placed in front of the bed I was laying on and buried her faces in her hands. Why was she crying? I stared at her but then turned away when I felt a hand grasp onto mine. I looked at the hand and traveled up until I came face to face with my father. His eyes were still watery from crying as he gave me a kiss on my forehead.

I was too busy being confused as hell that I hadn't noticed that my forhead, left arm, right hand, right leg and foot, my right foot, and my stomach was all bandaged up. Looking down at the bandages it reminded me of that car I had seen and that man which then reminded me of.....the accident.

I gasped and looked at my father who was trying to wipe his tears away.

"D-daddy!?!? Where's Lacey? Where is she? Is she alright?"

My father looked back at me and his frown deepened. He didn't answer.

"Daddy! Please! Tell me! Is she okay!?!?!"

He sighed and took my hand once more. He scanned over me for a moment and opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. I gave him a confused look and shook my head as if searching for the answer. He sighed once more.




"Brianna..........Lacey's dead."

AWWWWWWWWWWW.
*tear*
That was really good. Very sad but really good! I want more now!

LMAO!

thankies!

more later! my eyes hurt cause they're tired lol

4: So Hollow Inside

I tried to convince myself that Lacey wasn't....dead. But no matter how hard I tried, the word death kept repeating in my mind, over and over again like a broken record. When someone in your family or just someone that was really close to you dies it's like losing a part of yourself. It's like a part of you disappears and you become a whole new person. What was once there is now gone. You begin to question yourself, and it's hard to understand what's right and what's wrong. You feel like you're alone, even when there are people around, people that care so deeply about you. But you always feel alone and you always feel like you're left out. You're an empty shell; hollow inside.

When those words first escaped from my father's lips and traveled through my aching ears, I wondered if I had heard him correctly. I asked him to repeat what he had told me, and when he did it was the same exact thing; Lacey's dead. By then I had gone brain dead and I could not believe what I had heard. It took me a couple of minutes to realize that I was crying and that my father's arms were wrapped around my body gently so that he wouldn't hurt my broken bones...or my broken heart. He was hushing me like he used to do when I was a little baby. His voice was so angelic and his shushing came out so smooth and soothing that I could have sworn that I had almost fell asleep right then and there, in my father's arms, crying. Although I was as they say, 'crying a river', I couldn't understand why I was crying in the first place. It was like my mind would not process my feelings. They were corrupted. Right after he told me she was dead, my mind shut down, like when you turn off a computer or, when you turn off a light.

As I continued to cry over my father's shoulder, I noticed that that woman was still there, sitting on one of the chairs straight ahead of me. She was crying up a storm and I wish i could remember who she was. That was one of the most frustrating things about all of this besides the fact that Lacey was gone. I had forgotten who everyone was and yet I still remember my father. I know that I had hurt her feelings and that was probably the main reason why she was crying. I was sorry and even though I tried my hardest, I still couldn't remember. I could barely remember myself and I can't even remember my own birthday. But I still knew him, my father and that's what didn't make sense. i knew everything about him, but I can't remember when I was born?

The doctor took a few steps forward, wondering when he could jump into the conversation. He was a pretty petite man, just like my dad, He was around the same height. His skin was a light peachy color, his eyes a bright shade of blue. His hair was short, a sandy blonde color that stuck up in every direction. He was young, probably in the mid-twenties and I had to admit, he had a cute face. It was so cute that you would just want to go over and pinch his cheek just like his grandma probably did whenever she saw him. He was wearing the usual snow white lab coat, black pants, a stethoscope around his neck just in case he had to check a patient's heart rate, and he was clutching onto a clipboard that was more than likely some kind of statistics on me. He stood back with sadness in his eyes. Ever once in awhile he would glance over at his clipboard studying the words that were marked down on the piece of paper.

I sighed and my father let go of me and wiped my tears away from my eyes since I couldn't do it myself due to the fact that my body was broken and it hurt just to move one single inch on the bed, My father kissed me on the forehead and my mind traveled back to when he would always tuck me right into bed at night when I was little and kiss me on that same spot. He looked at me one last time and gave me a small smile of hope, his green eyes all shinny from crying. He walked away from me and sat down next to the woman and took her hand which was obviously intimate in a way. I tried to put two and two together to figure out who that woman was, but I was just way too tired to do so.

The young doctor figured that this was the right time to step in, so he walked slowly over to the three of us, his facial expression showed sympathy.

"Well mom and dad..."

.My eyes widened. ....Mom?

"...you are certainly very lucky for her to be alive. An accident like that usually...is well...fatal for all, but somehow your daughter managed to survive…" He paused for a moment, gathering up all of his thoughts. "But...you’re not out of the ballpark yet I'm afraid. We have just gotten back the results of the MRI scans and it appears that she has several brain injuries and also a major concussion which, I am sure you are aware, this usually involves loss of memory."

The woman, who I guess is my mother gasped, putting a hand up to her mouth in shock, but the doctor held up a hand in protest. "It's only temporary; she will start remembering more and more soon enough."

My mother sighed in relief.

"But....it doesn't seem like she's lost any of her memory at all, I mean she remembers me." My father explained.

My mother looked at my father and shook her head. "Honey...well...I don’t think she remembers me..."

My father stared at her. "Really?"

She nodded slowly and my father turned to look at me. "Is this true Brianna? You can't remember your own mother?"

I wanted to cry and this point, but I held back the tears. "I'm sorry dad....I only remember you and I don't know why." I looked at my mother. "Sorry...mom. I really am."

She just nodded understandingly. "It's alright Brianna, you'll remember eventually." She said it in almost a whisper and it made me turn my head away so they would not know I was crying silently. But my father placed a hand on my shoulder for they knew that tears were falling down my face one by one, almost as if they could hear each tear drop seep into the white fabric bed sheets that I was lying on, just as people say that they could hear a pin drop to the ground because it was so quiet; awkward silence.

I turned my head back slowly, showing them my tear-stained face and I did not want to know how bad I actually looked. I thought that I was about ready to die from exhaustion and grief. I was so worn out and I just wanted to sleep; forever.

My father wiped away my tears once more and the doctor slowly walked up to me.

“Hello Brianna, I’m Dr. Lancaster. In about ohh….” He looked up at the clock for a moment to check the time. “…in about one hour Dr. Sanders, who is psychologist here at Oakland Hospital, is going to have you do several exercises to try and help you with your memory. She is a very nice lady and I’m sure you’re going to like her.” Dr. Lancaster said with a small smile. “Take care and if you need anything at all press that button there on your left,” he pointed to the object. “And just ask for me, alright?”


I nodded slowly.

He smiled once more, a smile which had to be worth a million bucks, and he turned and walked out the door, and shut it slowly as he walked out, leaving me lying here in the bed, confusion surrounding me.

aww. she doesn't remember Adie.
I love it, but it was sad lol

This is so good Chelsea. Absolutly amazing.

awww, thankies guys!!!!!

seriously, the compliments mean a lot to me!

more soon!!!

Welcome.

hehe

Yes, complements are quite dandy.

yup!!!

Update soon?

SHE BETTER UPDATE SOON

Dammit Chelsea, you'd better.

LMAO!!!! yeah, i'll probably maybe update onnnn hmmmm.....well sometime this weekend. i wrote like one little paragraph of it on tuesday soooo yeah I"M WORKING ON IT!!!!!!!! GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL