What if I wanted to break, laugh it all off in your face, what would you do?
Stupid, stupid, stupid. I was so stupid. All those years of thinking you gave a damn for me when you gave me absolutly nothing. A fake smile, a stone laugh was all you ever offered. Nothing lit in your eyes except fear.
Fear that I would find out.
Oh Adrienne, don't be surprised that your husband of 12 fucking years finally discovers your affair. No. Don't give a shit.
Why would you now when you never did before?
What if I fell to the floor, couldn't take all this anymore, what would you do?
12 years. 12 years of loving you with you not giving me anything back. 2 kids and a wedding ring still doesn't convince you that I love you.
Yes, I love you, Adrienne. I loved you when I first saw you. I adore you, everything about you. Everything.
I just wished you could of showed me how you really are.
Why? Why would you do that when you knew how much I love you? Do you not give one fucking damn for me at all? Do you even know how much I adore you?
And I thought Mike was my friend. My friend! No, hes not I guess. You sure do you like him, don't you, Adie.
Adie. The name I gave you. Yet, Mike calls you by it. Mike. You and Mike. Not me and you. Never . . .
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
I wish I noticed this all sooner. Instead, I'm left alone with no wife and my best friend is in love with you. You loved him and you always haved. When I first saw you and fell in love with you, you saw Mike and fell in love with him. Not me.
Why the hell did you fucking marry me then? We dated, why did you even date me? And proposing to you, you could of ended it there, Adrienne.
You could of told me everything and I would of been out of you forever.
You could of got with Mike then. You could of had kids with him and I could of moved on.
But the truth is, I can never move on from you. No matter what happens between you and Mike, if you marry, have kids-no matter what, I will always love you. Always and forever, darling. Always and forever I will love you and Mike won't affect my thoughts.
What if I wanted to fight, beg for the rest of my life, what would you do?
Did you marry me for pity? Did you think I would never find anyone as good as you?
Well you thought right. I will never meet anyone as good as you, Adie. No one.
I thought you liked me. I was pretty damn sure. I mean, you did date me and you did marry me and spend 12 years of your life with me, you had to of cared to some degree.
Did you?
You say you wanted more,what are you waiting for, i'm not running from you
Did I cause you any sort of pain, Adrienne. When we were fighting, did you even care? Did you start those petty fights for a reason? Think I would want a divorce?
Well, dear, I would never want to divorce you.
Now that we are going through one, I've been thinking about the last 12 years. I wouldn't say I wasted them because, in the beginning, I was happy. A couple months ago I realized what you were doing.
Finding you and Mike kissing didn't fit well in my mind.
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
It killed me, Adrienne. My best friend and wife, kissing behind my back. You hid 12 years. Your good at keeping your secrets secretive, darling. You really are.
You killed me. You killed everything I was and everything i'm going to be. I can never ammount to anything, you destroyed me.
Thats why i'm here today.
Because you killed me.
Look in my eyes, you're killing me, killing me, all I wanted was you . . .
I don't think this pain in my heart and mind will ever vanish. It will just loiter around forever. For eterinty. I can't get the image of you and Mike out of my mind. Its burning in my brain, like its tattooed there.
I can't ever forget the time you gave me. The time we shared. I loved it all, even if it was fake. I loved it, I had you. I had you and now I lost you.
I tried to be someone else, but nothing seemed to change, I know now, this is who I really am inside.
I was banished from your mind and heart. You moved on with Mike. My career ended, Green Day was like a blink of music and fun in Mikes mind. It wasn't his life, what he wanted.
Now, I'm going to copy what Tre did. To be with him, my best friend. I will do what he did today.
And you can't stop me, dear.
Finally found myself, fighting for a chance, I know now, this is who I really am.
Should I do it by Tres grave?
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you.
I guess so. Oh and Adrienne, I hope you and Mike have a good life. I wish you two the best of luck. And don't miss me, angel. Don't miss me. Don't care. Don't cry. Don't come to my funeral. I don't want you to even know about this. Just live your life.
Just live.
Without me.
Look in my eyes, you're killing me, killing me, all I wanted was you . . .
So I'm standing in front of Tres grave on July 2nd, 2007. I felt so alone when he left. I had alreadt lost you, Adrienne and Mike. I had no one after Tre left. I understood why he did what he did but I wished he didn't. Now i'm glad he did because I'm following in his footsteps.
Come break me down, bury me, bury me . . .
Break me down, bury me, bury me . .
Break me down, bury me, bury me.
I hope your glad for what you did, Adrienne. You too, Mike. I loved you both and I got nothing. Me, Billie Joe Armstrong had nothing. People wanted to be me, to meet me. Unless they wanted to be or meet a bitter fuck, they should sure come and see me.
I'm nothing anymore.
I never was anything.
You say you wanted more, what if I wanted to break, what are you waiting for, bury me, bury me, I'm not running from you . . .
So, good-bye. Just remember, Adrienne- always and forever.
Always and forever.
Now, excuse me while I place the pistol to my head and leave you two. I can get away from my pain and suffering and leave you two to live your lives in happiness. SO you can love eachother without me somewhere in between. Love eachother, its what you've always wanted. Oh, and take care of my kids.
What if I
What if I
What if I
What if I
Bury me, bury me . . .
Subject: Always And Forever, Darling 
9/18/2007, 10:25 am
