You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round
Another damn picture of you, Claudia. Why did I have so many of them?
God, I'm such an old man. Thats probably why I keep them.
Well, back when we divorced, back in the old days around . . . 2003 . . . I think. Yeah, that sounds right. I was so drunk and stoned, I probably just forgot about these pictures. Now, since i'm such an old man, 92 and still going strong and healthy, I had time to do shit like this, and looked through old pictures. Billie, Adrienne and Mike were all deceased so I had nothing else to do.
I'm such an old boring guy.
I remember this picture though. This is us, a few days after we signed the paper to finalize our divorce. I remember when were getting that paper signed . . .
I look over to see you not worried at all. Why?
Was I the only one who enjoyed this marraige? The only one who was happy with every day?
I guess so.
You have that divorce paper right in front of you. Your hesitant to sign it. Why?
Your too confusing for me. If you don't like me, why did you marry me? Have Frankito? And if hate me so much, why aren't you signing that damn paper?
Sweetheart, are you afraid of what i'll say? Do you think i'll be rude and that everything will come tumbeling down?
You shouldn't be, Claudia, its too late to even think about what we could of done.
You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't wanna to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown
I sigh over and over again, trying to give you a fucking hint. Nothing is what you give me in return.
But yet you gave me so much. You gave me my son. And you gave me love. Even if it wasn't true, you at least pretended to care for me and our child. You tried just to make ends meet.
At least you tried hard enough to give a damn about my happiness.
And I love you, Claudia. I really do. But its over.
I don't even think it ever began.
Or did it?
God, you confuse me.
Sign it. Sign it. Sign It. Sign it
Just sign it!
You wanted this so badly and I gave it to you. I agreed on this fucking divorce and now you won't sign a paper to give you what you've wanted for 2 years!
I watch you, the way your eyes move. You've read the damn paper over and over again. I have no clue what the fuck your even looking for, its a divorce paper, just sign it. Theres no loophole in it. Its a real divorce paper. All it needs is our signitures. Just sign it.
And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
"Claudia" I started, "Are you going to sign that paper?"
You looked at me. I couldn't tell what emotion you were hiding but you were hiding one because nothing shined in your eyes.
You just nodded but slowly. Your hand was shaking as you took the pen and signed your name, Claudia Ingaz. What a beautiful name. I always loved your name. I love how it rolls off the toungue, with the Ingaz and everything. So beautiful. It goes with you great, beautiful name for a beautiful woman.
It suits you, babe.
The ink was on the paper as it dried quickley. You passed it over to me from the other end of our dining room table.
Aah, the dining room table. I loved that table. I don't know why, though. Probably because we bought it when we were first engaged. You wanted a nice, small table and I wanted a big one. We argued about it for a while but finally compremised.
See, thats what we always did. Compremised. Like Billie Joe and Adrienne. They compremised. And they died together.
But we just stopped compremising.
Thats what broke us.
Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on
I signed the divorce and gave it back to you from across the table.
"Thank you" you murmered quietly, to the point where I could barley hear it.
"No problem" I replied, loud. I wasn't scared of you, Claudia. You shouldn't of been afraid of me.
Its pretty pathetic.
I snorted at the thought of everything that was going through my mind that day. Thinking about what you were thinking about. You were so worried that day, Claudia. Why?
God, I miss you. I really do. Its all been hitting me recently and I don't know why. You passed away 15 years ago, you would of thought I was over everything. I mean we were only married for 2 years. We dated for a year. I still shouldn't be thinking about you after all this time.
Its abnormal to me.
Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone
What a big, full box. And its just full of pictures. Thats all thats in it.
I decided to sit down and look through these pictures. I opened the sides more to get a view of everything in the box. I saw a navy blue solid thing underneath some of the pictures. I dug through. Damn, arthritus hurts the knuckles . . .
I grinned as I pulled out a navy blue photo album. Empty.
Well, since i'm such an old, boring and lonley guy, I could just fill this baby up.
I picked up a picture that was lieing upside down. I smiled as I looked at it. It was Billie Joe and I. God, this was an old picture, like ancient. This was us at 15, a few weeks after we even met. I was smileing so big with Billie right by my side, smileing. God, look at my hair. Lime green. Haha, Billie had blue hair. Even though this was only a few months after we met, I knew we were going to be friends till the end. And we were, Billie.
Good times, I must say.
I saw one with Mikes smileing face. I picked it up to see all of us. Mike, Me, Billie, Adrienne, Brittney and Claudia.
Claudia.
God, how come every time I see her, I think about the time with the divorce paper signing? It always comes to my mind.
Always, Claudia.
You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Leave the pieces when you go
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Leave the pieces when you go...
I flipped to the back of the photo to see my handwriting. All it read was:
Me, Claudia, Billie, Adrienne, Mike and Brittney
Aah, Claudia.
So many memories, Claude. So many memories just in one photo of you. In one photo of you, a blink of everything we went through comes in my mind and heart.
Claudia.
Claudia Ingaz.
. . . I think I like Claudia Cool better though. .
Subject: I've Got Some Scattered Pictures 
9/18/2007, 10:15 am
