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 Interlude.

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Sarahnade.
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PostSubject: Interlude.   10/19/2007, 9:53 am

Interlude - a short dramatic piece. A light or farcical character, formerly introduced between the parts or acts of miracle and morality plays or given as part of other entertainments.

I was so angered when I discovered what that word meant. Once that stupid bastard told me that's all my life was.

An interlude.

Like he really knows me. Frank knew me for only two weeks when he said that. My life is not a fucking interlude. I'm not a pathetic piece of shit being stepped on like trash. I am someone.

I just don't know who that someone is.

I took a drag off of my cigarette and swore when I burnt my finger off the lighter.

"I hear every time you smoke a cigarette, it takes 7 minutes off your life."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah.."

"I need to smoke more often then, huh?"

"Uhh..no, Gerard. Well, I don't want you to do that."

I blew the smoke in his face and he coughed

"I don't give a fuck what you want, Frank."


I smirked at my stupidity. I spat saliva on the ground and wiped my mouth. I hated remembering Frank. I wanted all of the thoughts to go the fuck away from me. I would try and try to get them to leave but they always came back, stronger and more intense every hour of everyday.

They will never leave.

I took another drag and blew the smoke.

"Do you want one?"

"No, I don't. I don't feel like wasting my life.

"Fine, then. Don't be upset when you discover this hellhole you call life isn't what it seems."

"Gerard, don't talk like that."

"Deal with it."


I threw the cigarette to the ground and watched it light a small fire on the grass. I stomped it out and took out another one. I lit it and brushed the hair out of my eyes. I took a drag and blew it out. I licked the inside of my mouth and made a face. My tongue felt so thick; the skin coating was disgusting. I guess that's what cigarettes do.

I smirked at my amazing assumption and heard my therapist call my name. I rolled my eyes. I can't even smoke some cigarettes for 10 minutes by myself. I walked back into the room and she smiled at me. I wanted to wipe it right off her fucking face.

"Take a seat, Gerard. Wherever you like."

She said that every fucking day and I always sat in the same chair every fucking day. I don't know what she expected me to do. She's such a moron.

She smiled at me.

STOP FUCKING SMILING AT ME. YOU'RE A STUPID BITCH. LET ME OUT OF HERE!

"So, Gerard, how was your day today?"

I bit my lip, holding back a scream. I just wanted to scream right in her fucking face and rip her to shreds and watch her bleed.

"Fucking shitty, same as always," I spat.

"Why is it?" she asked.

"Because I have to sit in this small fucking room with a therapist I don't want. I have to sit in here and listen to you ask my pathetic questions and listen to how pathetic my fucking life is. I have to deal with this because I didn't ask for this. I have to deal with it because you stupid fuckers won't let me leave. I have to stay here for the rest of my fucking life and-"

"Gerard, slow down. First off, you aren't staying here for the rest of your life, remember? You're getting out next year."

I gritted my teeth.

"One fucking year is an eternity to me."

She frowned. "Why is that,"

I stood up. "Look, lady, i've dealt with you for 5 fucking years. Let me out of this goddamn building before I end up killing myself and anyone who tries to stop me."

She scribbled something on her notepad. I grabbed it and threw it across the room, hitting a vase of roses that crashed to the floor.

"Stop writing how messed up I am. Stop writing that i'm insane. Stop writing that I have emotional problems. Stop writing that I have an eating disorder. Stop writing stupid fucking shit about me!"

Her eyes were wide now and she slowly stood up and walked over to the broken vase.

"Gerard, remember when we first discussed Frank?"

I stomped my foot on the ground. "Stop bringing him up! I told you that 3 fucking years ago!"

She turned around to face me and grabbed my arm. She sat me down.

"Gerard, i'm here to help you. I've been telling you that every day for 5 years. The first day I met you, we discussed Frank. Remember what you said?"

My mind was going insane. I wanted to pull her eyeballs out and beat her to a bloody pulp.

I didn't reply.

"You told me he was the only man you'd ever love. You told me he changed you for the better. You told me-"

"That was then, this is now," I snapped.

"Gerard?"

"Yeah?"

"What would you do if I left? What if I suddenly left this world and never came back?"

"..I would die from lack of air."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't breathe without you, Frank."


Her eyes glowed. "Gerard, it's obvious you still love him. I can see how your face changes when we talk about him."

"Stop acting like you know me!" I hissed as I pulled from her grip.

"Gerard, i've known you for 5 years. I know-"

"I'm 30 fucking years old - 5 years isn't close to knowing me."

"Why are you so difficult?" she asked.

"Because I fucking want to be!"

She sat down and stared at me. "Remember when you told me about his death?"

My body got weak. I had sat down in front of her.

"You said it was the saddest day of your life. You told me you wouldn't be able to go on without him."

I nodded. "The only reason i'm still here is because of this place."

She smiled slightly. "Isn't that a good thing?"

I shook my head. "No, it's not...that's why I smoke so many cigarettes...h-he..told me it would take minutes from my life."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I-I..Gee-"

"Frank, you've had cancer for a year and you never told me. How could you hide the chemo?"

"It wasn't that serious..I wasn't even losing hair.."

"But why wouldn't you tell me?"

"Because...because the hardest part of this is leaving you."


I felt my muscles loosen as she put her hand on mine.

"Gerard, you may be the most difficult patient I have ever worked with. But i'm proud to say you are also the sweetest."

I looked at her and felt tears come to my eyes. I couldn't let her see me cry; I never cried in front of anyone.

"Okay.." I said.

She smiled at me and told me our time was up. She walked me to my room in EPMCPF (Emotionally Physically Mentally Challenged People Facility) in New Jersey. When we got to my room she gave me a hug. She never hugged me before.

I haven't been hugged since Frank..

I didn't know if I should hug back or not. I didn't.

She smiled at me. I gave her a small smile which hurt. My lips haven't formed a smile in years.

She left me in my room. It was past midnight when I finally went to sleep. I layed awake for a while, thinking about Frank like I always do. I even drew him a picture which I usually do during the day. I guess I just felt like doing it then. I wrote him a note and placed it in an envelope and slid underneath my door. I knew one of the workers probably threw it away but it made me feel good to see it was gone when I woke up. It made me feel like he took it and read it.

I was actually looking forward to talking to my therapist tomorrow. Her names Lyn -Z. I guess i'm warming up to her for the first time in 5 years.

I stood up and sighed at my lack of sleep. I looked at my pack of Marbols on the floor next to my bed. I picked them up and threw them in the trash can.

There, Frank. I'll stop wasting minutes off my life. I know it's what you always wanted from me.

I'm just upset that you can't witness it personally.

Since we talked to her now
come angels of the lord,
come angels of the lord.

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PostSubject: Re: Interlude.   10/20/2007, 5:27 am

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

amazing!!! just....amazing!!

way better writer than me and that's a fact!!! lol

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Sarahnade.
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PostSubject: Re: Interlude.   10/20/2007, 5:51 am

Thanks muchly
I still like your writings a looooooooooooot Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Interlude.   10/20/2007, 6:21 am

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! THAT WAS SO AMAZING!!!

"Because...because the hardest part of this is leaving you."

My favorite line ever.
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PostSubject: Re: Interlude.   10/20/2007, 6:29 am

Thanx Smile
I know, I love that line. Its my favorite line from Cancer, I always get teary when I hear that song, especially that line.

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PostSubject: Re: Interlude.   10/20/2007, 6:36 am

yeah, i love that line too Smile

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PostSubject: Re: Interlude.   10/20/2007, 6:39 am

sullen riot. wrote:
Thanx Smile
I know, I love that line. Its my favorite line from Cancer, I always get teary when I hear that song, especially that line.

Welcome. You have amazing talent Sarah, amazing.
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PostSubject: Re: Interlude.   10/20/2007, 7:24 am

Thank you, Faye Smile

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